I've Been Going Through It

Some of my decisions have been biting me in the bum, this week. I have barely had time to turn around and scratch my bum. It's been a crowded collection of waking hours, no mistake. Including the decision to step away from the Windows operating system and to withdraw from Google's services.

Switching to Linux is not an easy task. Preparing to switch is also as complicated. Further to the point, I am a dummins.

Long story short, I was getting instructions on how to proceed from Beloved, who knows everything. Those baby steps stopped cold while I waited for an answer to a question I asked. Things should be going forward this weekend... and I know how my inertia in these cases causes trouble.

To recap other things: I'm waiting on word for a book pitch, I'm about to see an expert about a very personal matter, and I've been a little bit touch starved of late. The projects I'm working on are taking too long, and hurrying up with them causes burnout. Taking my time with them immediately produces guilt for not doing the things in adequate time. I really want to get some things done before time runs out.

So I have a lot of compounded anxiety. And a lot of running around that has given me some levels of exhaustion. And I'm battling with catching up on a Vitamin B deficiency. So I have exhaustion, anxiety, and a generic lack of energy plaguing my footsteps.

So I've had a couple of meltdowns about the technical difficulties. More about fearing my loved one's wrath about my inertia than anything else. I've been running around since Tuesday and barely having enough time to do my appointed tasks. Bare minimum. Not helping the anxieties.

Also my wrist stretches seem to not be working very well. So all my other tasks are incredibly impeded.

Fingers crossed, I get it all done anyway. But I am going to keep telling myself that I'm allowed to be kind to myself. I can get all my progress done by technicality. And try again later.

I know damn well that it's all going to be better by next week. That I'll be fussing for nothing, or at least very little.

Then I find a new normal and just deal with that.