Grindstone? Ground Down

I've been run just a little bit ragged. Mostly by my own bad habits. This week, it also involved not reading all the instructions. The other bad habit is biting off more than I can chew.

I know just enough to know what I could be able to do if I was just a handful of neurons smarter than I think I am.

It doesn't help that I forget how to do things if I don't do them regularly. I have to leave myself notes on how to do a thing if I think I'll have to do that again.

Fun story: Once upon a time, my hub site went down regularly. Dating all the way back when a Mac was affordable and reliable. So I asked for instructions on how to reset the site server so I didn't have to keep pestering Beloved about it.

Then my Mac blew up...

I switched to Windoze, getting a new tower in the process and the old instructions ceased to work for me. This was somehow my fault for wanting updated instructions that would work. For two years or more. Probably more.

Finally... when I switched to Linux, Beloved got tired of it and automated the fix.

It's actually easier for other people to do these things than to try and teach me how to firkin do it. It's easier to replace my "skills" with a small shell script. And yet? I keep volunteering to help. I keep giving myself projects. I keep having the idea that I can do a lot more things than I actually can do.

I keep thinking I have the time, the skills, and all I need to do a thing.

And then I run myself down to grist in my own mill. And I end up burned out, depressed, and spiralling until I get the next idea. Regretting that my little check-boxed aren't filled in with all the things I expect out of myself. Adding more checkboxes because there's things I want to exist.

And I know it'll get worse for me if I just give up.

So I'm not giving up. I'm doing the same thing I decided when I started A Devil's Tale. I'm doing it all to me, to prove that I can. And then I'm taking it all at my own pace.

...when I'm not pushed my some megatechnocorps firkin deadlines. Of course.