Fanfic Time: My Baby Now

This fanfic is being simulcast on my Patreon for free. And if you want to support Mister Crowbar, their Patreon is also linked. Can highly recommend. They make beautiful pictures.

At any rate, you can't drop a picture of a sad-eyed fictional child on me without me wanting one of MY OC's to adopt them somehow and now there's an entire story about it. Created some years ago and unearthed now for your viewing pleasure. And my laziness, tbh.

Disclaimer: Larion owns BG3 and all the NPC's therein. MisterCrowbar on Tumblr owns Aldiirn, who came forth from BG3. This is therefore fandom-related crackfic. Be warned.

Summary: You can't put a pic like this in front of me and not want good things for a wet-eyed babbu [img copyright MisterCrowbar]

CW: References to child abuse and neglect

Continuity: Kosh is the Kosh I played in D&D, not the one in my novels or in BG3, though some continuities have cross-contaminated each other.

My Baby Now
InterNutter

All things considered, it could have gone better. At least his baby brother was safe. And, to the point, it could have gone worse. For instance, he could have hit his head and drowned in the river instead of summoning the breath of featherlike falling to drift softly to its surface. He'd fallen in once one sandal touched the surface, but he'd been able to strike out for a shoreline he could barely see when he landed.

Good news, he survived to reach a place of safety.

Bad news, he was immediately captured by a pack of Drow. They got him while he was still gasping for breath. Dragged his blue ass here. Wherever 'here' was. All he was certain of was that he was well and truly lost. As well as he was deeply in trouble.

He had no idea what crime he could have committed, but he was sure that the Drow would make him pay for it. They might not even let him know what his crime was.

Bound and chained, hand and foot, they threw him into the corner of a chamber. No bars. No doors. They must not have anticipated captives. After a minute of bored supervision from an adult, another dragged in a stool and a small half-blood child.

Kosh saw it all in seconds. The cowed demeanor. The hollow cheeks. The shadows under the eyes. The way their thin clothing didn't fit. The way they clung to a flute as if it were their lifeline.

This kid was barely tolerated.

"Sit. Watch the prisoner. And if you dare fall asleep, may the gods help you."

Assholes. Making a child who was clearly tired and sleep deprived stay awake. They obviously starved and terrified the kid. Kosh wouldn't be shocked if it turned out they beat the waif as well.

Like fuck was he going to let a kid catch worse than they already had. Kosh could almost applaud the Drow for their canny aptitude at keeping him restrained. Except there was always an alternative to anyone's plans.

No plan ever survives first contact with the enemy.

Therefore, it was best to have a general goal, and adapt to the circumstances.

His goal was now to get this kid out of the hell that was clearly their life to date.

"Would you get in trouble if you played that?" he asked, nodding to the flute.

Shrug, glance past the doorway, a shake of their head. The kid didn't play.

"Do you like playing?"

Nod.

"How about you play something that helps you be happy? I promise I won't move." He had to keep his promise, of course. He was not an oath-breaking Tiefling. This was a risk, but if he knew politics like he thought he knew politics, his fate was under debate. All he did while the music played was breathe.

There was magic in those notes. The child had a talent, and none of these Elven assholes could see it. They were focussed on their blood and breeding.

Just like so many people saw him as a Tiefling first and a person barely at all.

Godsdamnit. He was for sure stealing this child. None of their alleged guardians were even going to miss them. All the more reasons to steal them.

"That was beautiful," he said honestly. Now he was free to move, he felt around him with his tail. They always forgot about the tail. They always forgot about random trash left in odd little corners in the room. "You could play like that at any tavern up top and retire at twenty-and-five. Rich as a Lord."

The child met Kosh's praise with high skepticism. Of course they didn't trust. They'd never had a reason to trust anyone.

Kosh's tail found a suitable tool. He focussed a little on the work of picking the lock. "Have you eaten today?"

Head-shake.

"There's rations in my pack, if you know where it is. It's not much, but it's enough to keep a body going until the next day."

Half a movement towards the door. A flinch. Cowering on their stool. So. The child knew where Kosh's pack was. And they knew exactly how bad things would get if they failed their duty.

He had a direction to seek his things. He might have an ally. He had the clothes he wore... and perhaps the chains as a weapon.

Click... clack... K'tchak.

His bonds no longer held him. Good. He kept his hands behind his back and felt out his new weapons. Twin metal circles held together by chains. He could wield them like nunchaku. Kosh watched. Listened and waited.

The child drowsed on their seat.

Approaching feet.

"Atchung. Kinder. Hey."

The child snorted awake just in time to appear attentive and competent for the arrival of a matriarch. Who sneered at them as if witnessing something she'd rather ignore.

"A Tiefling," she scoffed. "An Adventurer?"

"On business far away from here," said Kosh. "I have no argument with you or yours. Let me leave in peace with my pack, and this little one, and there will be no trouble."

"And why should we let you have one of our children?"

"You clearly don't want them, and I have a habit of collecting unwanted things." He put on his mask of a smile, showing off all his pointy teeth. "I am an unwanted thing, after all."

The kid cowered at his smile. Damn. Intimidation, but on the wrong target.

She moved closer. He coiled, ready to attack. There was her, her consort-pet, and maybe the child. There was no telling if or how the child would react.

"You and that halfbreed are fit only for sacrifices to Lolth. I have no other use for either of you. Unless you have other talents... tief."

"I really wish you hadn't said that word," sighed Kosh. "Now I have to hurt you."

One very important step closer. Overconfident. Haughty. "You can't even threaten me. Tief. I have the upper hand, you are in my territory, and you are in chains."

"Wrong," said Kosh, and attacked. Lunge up, shackles hitting her chin. Flurry of blows. Stunning strike to the consort. Concussed. Not killed. He bent their bodies around to be tremendously troublesome for them to escape and refastened the shackles on them. He took their weapons and their shoes. Frisked them for food. Taste-tested some fungal Lembas. It would do a child no harm.

He pressed the food into the kid's palm. "Here, Kinder. Eat. Be well." Kosh crept up to the doorway and checked the corridor. So far. So good. Time for an urgent conversation.

The kid was nibbling on the lembas as if they never expected to get more, and Kosh's heart broke.

He crouched a safe distance away, definitely not even trying to take such little food away. "I am willing to take you in and teach you," he said, keeping his voice low, "but first... I have to get out of here. For that, I need a guide. Are you willing to come with me and help?"

A glance to the lembas in their tiny hands, and a fearful look to the unconscious pair of adults.

"They're alive. We both know they won't be happy when they wake up. Speaking just for me, I would rather they be unhappy with me than you, but I'd really rather be well out of their reach when they are unhappy."

The kid finished the lembas and reached out for Kosh's hand.

He used Pass Without A Trace and followed the child's lead. They could have a conversation about names and tragic pasts after they were both somewhere safe and secure. Business first. The business of fetching his pack. Then the business of raiding a poorly-guarded food store, where Kinder pointed out the best things. Including enough lembas to feed a small army.

This child was almost as silent as an Adept at the Art of Shadows. For all Kosh knew, he might be a natural at the rest of it. It would be a delight to teach them everything he could.

First things first... escape.

Darksight did them both a lot of favours, avoiding the others in the Drow labyrinth. Making their way through the unlit, disused areas until they were both well clear of the Drow encampment.

Up and away. Uphill and upstream in the hope of reaching sunlight. Or at least somewhere safer to shelter than the random caverns of the Underdark. When the little one flagged, Kosh asked permission to carry him. Something he believed the kid appreciated. A mile or two, and he found a niche of a half-buried house. Space enough to shelter in.

He propped the kid up by an old hearth so he could set up a bedroll and his own meditation mat. The kid was mumbly in their sleep, and clutched tight to their flute as Kosh tucked them in.

"It's all right. We're safe away. Just rest. We'll talk after a long rest."

He set his pack aside safely, kept a knife in easy reach by his mat, and stripped down to his loincloth. Back to the wall. Ready to spring if anyone dared try to attack.

Fist pressed to fist. Thumb pressed to thumb. Breathe. Recite the koan at a whisper, so as not to disturb the child. "My mind is my body, my body is mine to control..."